Sleeping Like A Baby

Oh man guys, I think Pierce has finally figured out this whole going to bed thing. And it's marvelous.

Pierce weaned himself from his bottles a few weeks ago and now only takes a sippy, and for some reason that's come to make things so much easier. Our bedtime now goes like this: once he's ready for bed we take him into his room and turn on two lamps- 1 is for reading, 1 is for sleeping. We sit down and read 2-3 books and cuddle with his blanket, then once we're done reading we turn off the reading lamp, kiss him goodnight and lie him down in bed with his sippy cup. While he's drinking his milk I lie on the floor next to his crib (or John, whoever is putting him to bed), he finishes his milk, rolls over and goes to sleep. Now, there might be some tossing and turning until he's tired enough to sleep, or some standing up in his crib, but the biggest change is that he lays himself down and puts himself to sleep. 

Some nights are really fast, some nights can take about 30 minutes, but we've only had one bad night in weeks. WEEKS! Can you believe it?! John wishes Pierce didn't need us to lie next to his crib, but I feel like this is such a small detail it's not even worth thinking about. Half the time we end up falling asleep before Pierce anyway haha. 

I am so thankful that we can mark this down as a parent success. I've had so many parents tell me to just let him cry it out. "It's hard, but it works" is what they'd all say. If it's "hard" for me to just sit there and hear him scream when every fiber of my being is telling me to comfort him- then I'm not going to sit there and just listen to him scream. I absolutely refuse to let my baby cry for me and not go to comfort him. He wouldn't understand why I'm not coming for him- I do during the day, why wouldn't I at night? He would be confused, and sad, and his heart would hurt. I won't do that to him. I think it's so important to listen to your instincts as a parent, and mine says to avoid CIO by any means necessary.  Not to mention all of the negative health effects that come from crying it out.

 Basically, I could rant and rave about the whole CIO method all day long, but in the end my sweet little boy who hates to go to bed is now going to bed peacefully. He feels safe; he feels comforted (when/if he does get upset I still go him, I'll always go to him), and he probably feels in control of his sleeping which is great. And all of this was achieved by gentle parenting. 

Hallelujah! 

Seriously though, how could anyone not run and comfort this adorableness if he's crying? Every time baby boy, I will every time <3

Picture Blog

It just dawned on me how long it's been since I've posted on here. I'll give you all an updated picture (or pictures) of my sweet 10 month old (10 months already! Can you believe it?!)

this boy and his pacis...

 my son in a nutshell: beautiful curly hair, huge grin, and loves to be naked

I love my boys <3

10 Months and Still Struggling to Sleep

It seems as though every time we figure out a bedtime routine for Pierce, that routine lasts about a month before he decides it doesn't work for him anymore. I don't know what else to do about his sleeping but every nap and every bedtime is a struggle.

How could my son hate sleep so much? 

I've never let him cry it out. Not once. I don't believe in it. I don't feel right about it. I just don't think that's what's best for us. We were doing well for a while. We had a nice routine where I'd sit in his glider and feed him a bottle, then I'd lay him in his crib on his tummy and just pat his back until he fell asleep. That still works sometimes, but more often than not he tosses and turns and seems like he just can't get comfortable. I don't know how that could be possible. We've ended up putting our nice sheets on his crib mattress so he has a really soft sheet. We put a padded quilt under his sheet for more cushion. We really have tried just about everything. 

He fought today's nap really hard. He just kept crying and crying, not wanting to sleep at all even though his eyes were closed. Eventually I had to walk away. I went into another room for only 3 minutes and you would have thought that the world was coming to and end in his room. So I went back in, picked him up, and rocked with him in his glider and he still fought me. Eventually he gave in and fell asleep, but I just don't understand why it's so hard to get him to go to sleep. I've wanted so badly for sleep to be a positive experience for him, but it hasn't happened that way. 

Let's chalk this whole sleeping thing up to a mommy fail. 

Looking at him while asleep, you'd never guess the struggle it was to get him there. He just looks so calm and peaceful. 

first time sleeping in a tent. that's a whoole other story ;)

A First Time Mother's Thoughts on Mother's Day

As mother's day draws near I can't help but think of all the moms out there- especially the ones in my life: my mom, my step mom, my grandma, and my mother-in-law. All wonderful, hardworking, loving, and sacrificial ladies. Ladies who I aspire to be like.

And here I am, a new mom getting ready to celebrate my first mother's day. As I sit here exhausted I can't help but wonder....how do they do it, and for so long? Being a mom is a hard job. A job you can't even try to explain to someone who's not a mom because the words just don't do it justice. It's tiring. So tiring. Being wanted and needed 24/7; constantly being tugged on, pulled at, and reached for. Deep sleep is a friend I think of fondly, but one I know I'm not going to see for a very long time. Learning to do laundry, make food, eat food, clean the house, and get yourself ready for the day all with one hand is a skill mothers learn to master quickly. And if you throw breastfeeding in on top of it we're playing a whole other ball game, and let's just say that breastfeeding moms don't get nearly enough credit that credit is due. I'm only 6 1/2 months in and some days I wonder if I'll have enough energy to make it to the next day. Somehow I always do.

But you know what? No matter how overly exhausted I may be. No matter how much I want that deep sleep again-I love everything about being a mom. Those sleepless nights usually mean that my baby boy needs mommy cuddles. The tugging on and pulling at, usually means that my angel wants me to play with him. Having to do everything with one hand because he screams if I put him down for 5 seconds, means that he thinks my arms are the safest place in the world. Just like you can't adequately explain the job of a mother, you also can never explain the depth of a mother's love.

It's amazing to me how Pierce doesn't have to be doing anything special, just sitting there playing or even sleeping soundly in his bed, and all it takes is one look at him in all of his perfection to bring me to tears. Tears of joy. Tears of pure love. It's amazing to me how he can exhaust me, but the second he gives me that Pierce grin I know that it's all worth it. To love someone so immensely is to know what it is to be a mom.

Being a mom is a hard job. It's the most important job in the world. And every second of every minute of every day for the rest of my life I am going to be Pierce's mom. That may sound daunting, but to me it sounds incredibly exciting.

For the longest time I felt like I was born to be a mom. Six and a half months ago I met the loving little boy who I was born to be a mother to, and all I can say is-the wait was worth it.

As this mother's day approaches my husband will probably thank me for what I do as a mom, but I will be the one forever thanking God for the gift that is my son.

My Birth Story

A friend asked me today to share my birth story with her; I had posted it in another blog a while ago, but I figure I should post it in this one too since this is the one I write in now (ok, kind of...when I have time...which seems like never :)). So here it is:

My due date was Monday October 21 and I had been on maternity leave for a week. For that week I had been trying to naturally induce because I was so impatient! My doctor knew what I was doing and actually encouraged it, so I tried everything. I ate spicy food; I walked for a couple miles every day; I tried nipple stimulation with my breast pump, but nothing worked! Monday came and went and I was so upset.

Tuesday morning I woke up at 8:40 and I thought maybe my water had broken, but I wasn't sure. I knew it didn't gush out like in the movies so I thought maybe this was the start of things. Just to make sure I waited to see if contractions started. At 9:40 my contractions did start, they were about 11 minutes apart and lasted 40 seconds. After an hour of that I called my doctor and asked if I could be seen later that day,  they wanted to see me around 4:30. Around 12:40 my contractions were about 5 minutes apart but still only lasting 40 seconds. They were getting more intense so I called John at work and told him he needed to come home.

Not long after he came home my doctor's office called and said that my doctor had gotten called in for a delivery and they needed to move up my appointment to 2:15. I thought, "thank God because these are getting really painful!". So just in case, when the time came for my appointment, we packed the car and headed down. By now my contractions were 4 minutes apart and 50-55 seconds long. When we got to the hospital I was in pain and told John to call the OB office, cancel my appointment and take me straight to registration. So that's what we did.

They took me up to labor and delivery, checked my progression and I was 4 cm dilated so they went ahead and admitted me. I was really nervous that they'd just send us home, but I was so relieved when they told us we could stay! They wheeled me into the delivery room and I got the biggest birthing suit in the hospital. It was huge and the view was beautiful, even though I wasn't really in the mood to admire it. For the first little while I labored on the bed. I was so tired already and after each contraction I just wanted to lay my head down and rest. I'm not really sure about times at this point because I told John to cover the clock so I wouldn't sit and watch it. But not long after we got into the room I decided to get into the jetted tub and try laboring in there for a little bit. The warm water helped in between the contractions, the jets hurt so I didn't use those, but the contractions were still just as painful. I stayed in the tub for a while and tried to relax, then after probably an hour in the tub I got out and sat on the birthing ball. The birthing ball was awesome. Somehow the swaying motion it provided really helped with the contractions, but my back was hurting really bad and I just wanted to lie down again. So back to the bed I went. I'm not sure what time it was but my nurse asked if I wanted to try a pain reliever...and for the life of me I can't think of the name right now, but my goal was a natural delivery so I was a little weary. She assured me that the drug would only last an hour at the longest, but that it would give me a chance to rest. So I accepted it. That hour was amazing. I still felt the contractions, though they weren't as bad as before, but that break I was able to get really helped me the rest of the night. After that hour my midwife came in and checked to see how far along I was and I was 7 cm. My birth plan was a water birth and so she asked me if I still wanted to proceed with that. Honestly, I was on the fence. The contractions were so painful I wanted an epidural, but she and John encouraged me to at least try the birthing pool before making the decision. So I did. The birthing pool to me was a lot like the jetted tub, it felt nice in between the contractions but it didn't help with the actual contractions themselves. By now it was around 11:00 pm (I asked what time it was) and I was in a lot of pain. I was making sounds I'd never heard myself make before in my life. I was crying. I was uncomfortable. I told John that I couldn't do it anymore, that it wasn't just a moment of weakness, that I really wanted the epidural. The delivery nurse called in my midwife to check to see how far along I was and I was fully dilated- no epidural for me.

I couldn't find a position that I was comfortable enough in for me to feel like I could deliver in the birthing pool so I got back in the bed. It was then that my  midwife broke my water (turns out it hadn't broken that morning). What a weird feeling that was! I didn't feel her do anything, all I felt was a gush of warm liquid coming out of me. Then  I tried pushing, but my body wasn't telling me to push yet so I wasn't doing it right. My midwife told me to wait until my body told me to push but I kept thinking, "If pushing is what's going to get this baby out I'm pushing!". I continued to push incorrectly until my body finally decided it was ready to push. That sounds silly, but pushing isn't something you can practice or be told how to do. I tried pushing while lying down but wasn't getting anywhere. Then I tried pushing using the bar that they attach to the bed. I think that's what really progressed this stage for me. My back was killing me, but I could feel him moving down while I was squatting. It's amazing how you can feel weak and incredibly strong all at the same time. After pushing on the bar for a little while I had to give my back a break and lie back down. I kept pushing and pushing but felt like I was getting nowhere. Then my midwife told me that Pierce was stuck behind my pelvic bone- every time I would push, he would hit my bone and move back up. Eventually my midwife had to reach in me and try to help him come up over my bone. I know she was helping, but that hurt so bad. I continued to push and push and then his head popped out! John, the midwife and nurses kept telling me that he had beautiful dark hair. I couldn't help but think, "Great! His head is out, it's over". But then my midwife told me to sit there and not push. I thought she had lost her mind. She then poured some essential oils on me to keep me from tearing, meanwhile that burning sensation was almost too much to bear. But I held him there and tried my hardest not to push.When she told me I could push again I was relieved, but he wasn't coming out! His shoulders were stuck. I don't know how long I pushed like that, but I remember eventually yelling, "Can't you just pull him out?!". And then they did.

John was able to catch Pierce and cut his umbilical cord. They immediately placed my baby boy on my chest and little man was ready to eat! But part of his amniotic sac had broken off inside of me and was causing me to hemorrhage. Luckily for me, my midwife worked fast and immediately started getting the pieces out. I was able to hold Pierce most of the time she was working on me. Though it was painful with her trying to get those pieces out, I was really more focused on the precious little boy laying on my chest. He was born at 1:51 AM on Wednesday October 23rd. He was 7 pounds 4 ounces and 19 inches long.  After they got the bleeding under control I was able to nurse and Pierce latched right away! His latch was great and he nursed for an hour right off the bat. The delivery nurse kept commenting on how she had never seen a newborn take to feeding so fast and feed for so long. He was a natural.

Pierce was so calm when he was first born. He cried for a couple seconds when he came out, but he didn't cry at all after that for a while. John bathed him and he didn't cry; he had his shots and he didn't cry...he was such a trooper and so peaceful. We were finally able to go to our patient room around 5:00 AM. John slept. I did not. I was too consumed with my little man. I couldn't stop watching him, and when he was sleeping I was so paranoid that I stayed awake making sure that he was still breathing. At 8:00 I took a much needed shower and ate a lot of food, at 10:00 visitors started coming, and that afternoon I was finally able to get a little nap in. I couldn't stand the thought of Pierce being away from me for even a minute; I held him almost the entire time we were in the hospital. I was in love. Thursday night around 6:00 PM our little family packed up and headed home.

In the end I don't regret anything about his birth or my experience. I'm so glad I was able to achieve a natural birth (even if it was because I was too late in asking for the epidural). It was painful, and hard, but I did it.

Pierce is the best thing to have happened to me. He's my angel. I never knew what it was like to love so immensely and immediately. Without further ado, here's my baby boy:

Pierce Robert
his first photo

Momma and son

our first photo

The Water Giver

Nitrates in Baby Food- Did You Know?

My little man is a very hungry little man. He drinks 5-6 ounce bottles and has been eating every two hours (even at night :/) that's a lot of milk for mommy to produce. I thought maybe it was just a growth spurt (we went through this last month for a little bit), but it's been going on for a few weeks now. So to help him not be so hungry all the time I'm starting to introduce solids.

Tuesday we tried avocado and he did surprisingly well with it. He ate quite a few bites with no problem. Not wanting to give him too much until I knew there would be no allergic reaction I didn't give him very much, but it's been three days and no signs of any allergy have come up. Not knowing really how to make my own baby food I was doing some research online and found out that nitrates in food are a really big deal for babies under 6 months. Did you know that? I didn't. Nitrate poisoning is pretty rare, but just in case you're interested in reading about it here's some information: Nitrates in baby food

For a quick reference here's the gist of it.
Veggies with high traces of nitrates:
Leafy greens like spinach & lettuce, green beans, beets, cabbage, broccoli, and carrots.

Safe veggies:
Peas, edamame, avacado, sweet potato, and zucchini.

If you're going to do a puree of a vegetable high in nitrates then peel first, then boil it in water for 3 minutes and throw out the water.

I'm only going to introduce veggies to Pierce right now because I don't want him getting too used to the sweetness of fruit. I'm actually really looking forward to start this new journey with my little one. Not because pumping enough milk to keep him satisfied is getting hard, but because I love watching him experience new things. And I'm kind of interested in trying out some of these purees myself; some of the combos sound pretty darn good.

I just started a Pinterest board dedicated to baby food, feel free to check out the pins and let me know which ones your baby likes or dislikes.

And if you know of any other vegetables low in nitrates that I didn't list let me know! I'm trying to find a list of low-high content but can't seem to find that type of chart anywhere.

Happy pureeing mommas!

Sleep Style

Nights have been rough in the Merrigan household. For the first couple months Pierce did pretty well at night, considering he was only a couple months old. The first two weeks were rough while he had his days and nights mixed up, but after that I felt like he was doing well. Two nights before he turned two months old he slept 10 hours. I woke up terrified that something had happened to him. But he was perfectly fine, sleeping like my darling angel.

And then three months hit. His coughing was getting worse and was keeping him up at night, and he started fighting the whole going to bed process. We tried everything. We rocked him, and we sang, we walked with him, we swaddled him, we un-swaddled him, we had lavender and chamomile baths, we had a set routine, we tried different times, I tried baby massages, we had story time, we played calming music, we played white noise, I nursed before bed, I tried a bottle before bed, I even put chamomile tea in his bottle...aside from letting him cry it out, which I just don't have the heart to do, we tried everything and nothing was working. 

And then we went to Utah to see family and friends. 

I thought, a new environment with new people- this is going to be terrible. I was sure that he wasn't going to sleep at all. And at first he didn't. He didn't know the rooms; he didn't like his playyard, and this momma was drained. So, one night not knowing what else to do I brought him into our bed and had him lie there. Before I knew it he was fast asleep. I picked him up and I placed him in his playyard and he slept throughout the night. The next day I lied down on the couch with Pierce right next to me and he fell asleep. That night was kind of rough and after getting one hour of sleep I was in desperate need of help. My sister and grandma, being the saints they are, watched Pierce for me while I took a nap. My sister sat Pierce on her bed and again, fast asleep. Now was about the time when I started to think that we may be on to something. On our way home from Utah to Oregon we stayed in a hotel; when we got to our room we started unpacking our things and placed Pierce on the bed. I looked back and what would ya know...he fell asleep.

The day we got home from our trip was the day our new nighttime routine started. Now here's how our night time goes: one feeding, then we do his breathing treatment, next we change his diaper, put on lotion, get him in jammies and then the secret weapon- I take Pierce into our bedroom and lie him down on our bed. I remove all pillows, blankets and sheets that could hurt him, and place his blanket over him. Next, I grab his bedtime book, lie down next to him and read. 90% of the time within 15 minutes he's fast asleep. Sometimes I read and he's still not ready to sleep, so I just lie with him and cuddle until he calms down and falls asleep on his own. Then once he's asleep we move him from our bed into his co-sleeper. There's no rocking, no music, no swaddling, no chamomille tea...just momma and Pierce lying beside each other, forehead against forehead. 

Is it an odd routine? It's probably unconventional. Do people have their opinions on us letting him fall asleep in our bed? They sure do. But does it work for us? You bet it does. 

I dreaded nighttime. I knew it was going to be a fight getting him to sleep. But now I look forward to the moment when I get to lay on our bed, read him a bedtime story and just cuddle until he falls asleep. It's a much more positive experience for him and I think he really likes our nighttime routine too. 

From Know It All To Know Very Little

Before I became pregnant I thought I knew it all- okay, maybe not all, but I thought I knew a heck of a lot. I've worked with babies for years; I've worked with different families, from different backgrounds, with different parenting styles. I've worked with troubled families and I've worked with thriving families. I studied family dynamics, prenatal/childhood nutrition, and child development in college. I thought I knew a lot.

Before I got pregnant I had an idea of what type of pregnant woman I would be. I had a list of things I would and wouldn't do. I would have the best, most healthy diet I'd ever had in my life because my baby deserved the best nutrition. I wouldn't be worried or anxious because I knew my baby could sense it. I wouldn't drink caffeine. I would continue to exercise. I would have a natural birth. I would resist any type of medicine (even Tylenol) throughout my pregnancy, and my labor and delivery. I knew what I was doing.

And then I got pregnant. I craved chocolate milkshakes; I put chocolate syrup over bananas; I ate fast food; I drank caffeine on accident -darn you Barq's rootbeer for not being caffeine free like every other kind of rootbeer! And Shockers candy with cherry Slurpees was practically my diet for the last three months. I did worry, constantly, about the health and well-being of my baby. Due to a previous miscarriage I was a nervous wreck that something would happen to Pierce too. I did not continue to exercise like I had hoped. I did resist any type of medicine throughout my pregnancy, even Tylenol, but I had a pain reliever during my labor. I did have a natural birth, but only because by the time I gave in and begged for an epidural I was 10 centimeters.

Before I became a mother I thought it knew it all....alright, not all...but a lot. I had read books, and taken college courses; I had gone to classes, read mommy boards, and talked to other moms. I thought I knew what I was getting myself into. I thought I knew what to expect. I was going to breastfeed for the first 12 months. My baby would never taste formula. I wasn't going to use a pacifier or bottle until at least 4 weeks. I would start sleep training at 3 months and it would be smooth sailing because you know, I read books.

And then I became a mother. And my baby boy had different plans than I did. I do breastfeed and my son has never had to have formula, but my once perfect nurser has been fighting me off and on since 2 months. I introduced a pacifier at 2 weeks and never looked back. I tried sleep training at 3 months, and now that he's 4 months we're just now figuring out how he likes to fall asleep at night.

You see, I thought I knew a lot. I had plans and strategies; I've done my homework, But there is no adequate amount of preparation you can do before you become a mom. It's different than you expect and takes you a million directions you never thought you'd go. I was so quick to judge before I became pregnant and before I became a mom, but every day I am reassured that there isn't one way to be a perfect parent, but there are a million different ways to be a great one.